nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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