I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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