College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
