dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
