We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
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I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
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This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old