It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.