Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea