I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
