The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
