If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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