We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
