You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
