the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
