Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize