so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
