i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
