I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
