Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
