We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
