He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
