The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
