It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
