Fuck appropriateness.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
We need to feng shui this bitch.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
