I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
