im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
