is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
