you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
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I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
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Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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