i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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