So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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