He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
We have started to decorate penises.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
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