I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
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