I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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