After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
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