Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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