gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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