I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm at about main and main street
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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