Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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