You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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