margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
