He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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