they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
