YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
