Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
