I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will be naked everywhere
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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