New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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