Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
should my penis look like a turkey
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
