if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
