If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
