he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
