Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
