Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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