At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
