Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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