She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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