Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize