Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
