How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
