He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize