mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
