I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
