So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize