I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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