no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
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