closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize