I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
so let's talk penis.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
