Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
