I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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