the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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