I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
even my farts smell like vagina
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
