from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
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