i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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